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Thread: Seedy Side of Heaven

  1. #1
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    Seedy Side of Heaven

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    Another song demo with my vocals and programmed drums. The plan is to give real drums and a great singer. All comments welcome. Thanks!

    Latest mix:
    Seedy Side of Heaven_Ray Taylor_Mix 8.mp3 - Google Drive

    Seedy Side of Heaven
    Words and music by Ray Taylor, 2017

    The morning kicks off early
    Cop lights blinking on the lawn
    The details of last night are blurry
    Though the salient points are known
    Hitch up to the station
    To pick up your car and keys
    Seems the tighter wire I’m walking
    The shorter is my leash

    So we’re parking in your trailer
    Connoisseurs of hand-me-outs
    Last year’s outlook was bullish
    Till the bank totaled the T Bird out
    Sweet dreams of Sangri La
    Guess we learned what they’re about
    And while the lottery may yet deliver
    The forecast otherwise is drought

    Gimme a few more weeks with you
    I’ll be walking on the seedy side of heaven

    Tonight comes wrapped in velvet
    Whiff of voodoo in the air
    And the evening’s hot and surly
    Breath of bayou in your hair
    Things we do on a summer night
    Are better done than mentioned
    Let me say in brief and I repeat
    You sure got my attention

    Ever since I’ve been with you
    I’ve been walking on the seedy side of heaven
    And every day I spend with you
    That’s time enough to break my heart in two
    Leave me crying adieu

    Ever since I’ve been with you
    I’ve been walking on the seedy side of heaven
    Last edited by Robus; 1 Week Ago at 01:06. Reason: new mix

  2. #2
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    Really good groove on this song. I love the bass line. Mix sound pretty good. Well balances to my ears.
    Great work Robus
    I was country before they took the O out.

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  4. #3
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    So I'm trying to only listen to the guit/keys/bass and arrangement if the drums and vox will be replaced.
    Bass does sound pretty nice.
    The hard-left guitar could use some space in the verses. It sounds almost like a dry DI. I'd try to get its tone closer to the far-right lead or closer to what it is in the chorus.
    Drums are a little punch for the song, so I'd recommend keeping an eye on that when you put in live ones.

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  6. #4
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    I'd replace "as you know" with something else. Seems like a last second choice, sort of a filler where nothing else relevant could be thought up. Give it a little more thought, it's an important line.

    It's hard to comment without finished vocals since everything else is in context of them, and they can make or break it. I'd say it's pretty darn fine as it is now. Drum patterns and fills might be holding it back. Just my thoughts

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  8. #5
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    I like it - despite my critique

    At 3:43, it seems a little long for a song which doesn't convey a more descriptive story. Nearly all of your phrases are impressions and vague thoughts, which are ok but these are only flashes of the whole story in your head. I think fewer verses which are more descriptive and to the point would work well. Trim it back to around 3:15 or so.

    I think your best lines here are:

    "Tonight comes wrapped in velvet
    Whiff of voodoo in the air
    And the evening’s hot and surly
    Breath of bayou in your hair
    Things we do on a summer night
    Are better done than mentioned
    Let me say in brief and I repeat
    You sure got my attention"


    And I agree that the line "As you know" (as well as "Leave me crying adieu" and "As we know") could be better.

    "Salient"
    in the first verse seems out of place - sort of a high-brow word in a low-brow conversation. Maybe replace that line with "Though what needs knowin' now is known" - letting that ring out before begining the next line.

    I'm getting a definite Steeley Dan vibe from this tune. I think the bass line may account for this.
    Last edited by spantini; 2 Weeks Ago at 07:01.
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  10. #6
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    It sounds good overall. Slightly muddy in the 200-400hz range, and the guitars can use a hair of compression because on some harder chords they're spiking. Just a hair.

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  12. #7
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    New mix in the OP. I cut out a few awkward lines.

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    The drums are kind of far forward. Since they're going to be replaced, I'd back them off so we can hear the other tracks.

    To me the bass has kind of a boingy sound. Maybe a little strong in the low end.

    The guitars sound good to my ear. The keys and the guitar parts work well together.

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  15. #9
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    Love this verse,

    The morning kicks off early
    Cop lights blinking on the lawn
    The details of last night are blurry
    Though the salient points are known
    Hitch up to the station
    To pick up your car and keys
    Seems the tighter wire I’m walking
    The shorter is my leash

    reminds me of my ex wife.

    would like to hear it with real drums. I like it.

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  17. #10
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    I really like the guitars. The mix is pro. The only thing holding it back is the vocal phrasing and pitch. There's nothing wrong with wordy or having your own style but it's bordering on being tough to get thru. I listened to it twice. It feels like words were forced to hard into the spaces. But don't get me wrong it's good. Just needs those edits to take it to the next level in this one man's opinion. Reminds me a bit of Neil Young. Mix is done. Maybe could be a bit louder. (I know I know)

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