If you're aiming at a more commercial approach
Thanks for the feedback.
No, no commercial intent on any of my stuff.
It is repetitive by design, simple, the grinding of an emptiness from decisions made in the pursuit of one thing (lust of the world) at the cost of another(love of a family).
I guess I missed the mark . Maybe I need to go back and revisit the presentation/arrangement.
No, I don't think so now. I think you nailed it. I wasn't listening to the lyrics (I never hear the lyrics until I've heard it a few times), and your explanation means that the relentlessness of the music serves the tune, and the 'axe a verse' idea was a mistake. Sorry if I was misleading.
BTW, the mix sounds good. Sonically pleasant. Nice.
I have to say I am not a good enough musician to give a good performance, so I use it more of a background canvas.