Original song- haven't we all felt this way?

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NotThatBright

New member
I wrote and recorded this a few months ago and am curious if anyone thinks it's a decent song. I put very little time into writing a song, mostly because I only have until the booze wears off, but here's my progression: pick up the bass and come up with a four-note rhythm that, as far as I know, I'm not ripping off (though I'm sure every four-chord permutation has been done a million times)... then play and record the drums, then the bass, then the guitars. Then come up with lyrics, which is the simple part. You'll soon see why... songs I write don't take a shitload of brainpower to come up with.

Lyrics are meant to be a joke, though not necessarily a good one. If you have any advice regarding the sound, I'm happy to hear it. Like I said, I recorded this a couple months ago and I thought that this was among my better-sounding recordings, though I know there is a lot I'd do different now as far as the recording/mixing. I'm curious if anyone thinks it'd be worth another recording with some better playing and mixing.

I'm also interested if anyone has advice on the procedure for coming up with a song.

Lyrics are on the soundcloud page.

https://soundcloud.com/user92696274096/bullet-to-the-head1/s-gMLPO

Thanks in advance for any comments. Feel free to be brutal.
 
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:) Need a therapist !!!! :) Just kidding. Just throwing this out there, but the chorus vocals need more passion !!!! Try screaming them for example.
 
That is pretty interesting. Mix was good, pretty busy song lyrically. Felt like you were still trying to get the vocals and the groove in sync. To me sounded like you were always trying to catch up.

Over all, decent song, good performance. Hard to critique as song about a bullet to the head as a solution to a problem.
 
It started with good energy in the vocals, but as soon as the first chorus it just sounds faked or dull. I think it's a good song, but I also think it sounds a bit cheesy because of the lack of energy. You didn't really bring it home or sell it in the rest of the performance. The first few sentences sounded OK though. And I even liked the unskillful guitar solo. :listeningmusic:
 
Love the song. Loved the energy. 60 MPH from beginning to end - always a recipe for coolness IMO. Levels on everything sound good except maybe the kick is a tick too loud. Your stuff reminds me of Black Flag - which I've sort of said before.

Liked the bass sound.

Rhythm guitar is a little muffled sounding. I would personally would like something a little less cloudy.

Little minor tempo issue at about :18-:19 with the guitar on the right.
 
I thought the recording was good. Had a good overall level and I enjoyed the tune. I guess I disagree with foul phil because I thought there was plenty of energy from beginning to end
 
DM60 said:
That is pretty interesting. Mix was good, pretty busy song lyrically. Felt like you were still trying to get the vocals and the groove in sync. To me sounded like you were always trying to catch up.
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Not really sure what you mean. I'm guessing the timing in my drumming was off just enough to make you notice, and it affected the timing of the other stuff.

DM60 said:
Over all, decent song, good performance. Hard to critique as song about a bullet to the head as a solution to a problem.
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Depends on the problem! :)

I tried writing a serious song once and it wasn't happening. I can crank out crap like this in minutes, though. Path of least resistance! :)

Thanks for the comments.
 
jimistone said:
I thought the recording was good. Had a good overall level and I enjoyed the tune. I guess I disagree with foul phil because I thought there was plenty of energy from beginning to end
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Thanks for the kind words. Phil might be holding me to death metal standards regarding the level of energy. I agree with you... there are a lot of things the song lacks, but energy ain't one of them.
 
NotThatBright said:
I gotta write shorter songs! :)



Now THAT was fake! :)

Thanks for the comments.
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It sounds good man. Not knocking it. I'll listen again maybe get a fresh perspective. That was just my response from the first listen, but not based on Death Metal standards. It sounded like it was going to be more aggressive at first, but then seemed to go less aggressive.

But yeah LOL @ the solo.
 
FoulPhil said:
It sounds good man. Not knocking it. I'll listen again maybe get a fresh perspective. That was just my response from the first listen, but not based on Death Metal standards. It sounded like it was going to be more aggressive at first, but then seemed to go less aggressive.
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Yeah, now that you mention it, the verses are much more aggressive than the chorus, and the song is 50% verses and 50% chorus (minus the awesome guitar solo). I can see someone looking at the song as consisting of constant ups and downs. Good feedback... this wouldn't have occurred to be otherwise. Maybe I could put some more balls in the chorus music.

FoulPhil said:
But yeah LOL @ the solo.
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Well, I can't play guitar, but the solo kind of works, right? :) I think I'm decent at making solos go with the background music. Not decent at making them stand out on their own, obviously.

A couple nights I wrote and recorded a song that I may post, though I probably shouldn't (it's pretty tasteless, even for me)... I'm weighing the tastelessness with the fact that it may have turned out better than anything else I ever recorded. The solo in this one will make you laugh even harder, but it fuckin' fits the music! What can I do? :)

Thanks again.
 
I loved the lyrics.

The kick was a bit off somehow. Couldn't say what.
The guitars were a tad muffled.

Liked the rest. Paul Gilbert would be proud of your solo.
 
I liked the song very much indeed. :D Really catchy. I don't know what advice I can give you, other than to keep going at it until you've worked it all out. It's pretty obvious that you know what you're going for and I love the tongue-in-cheek meathead lyrics. I'm also a fan of really, really shite solos that somehow work. I collect them. :D Check out "Punk Rock Girl" by The Dead Milkmen, also "What Do I Get" and "Boredom" by the Buzzcocks.
 
Hey, pretty funny song that - and most of the premises of the lyrics are pretty will indisputable, well at least to any reasonable person.
I didn't think there was a lack of energy and while i can imagine this being screamed, the tone of your vocal makes it sound like a joke rather than you really meant it. If you did mean it and feel that way, try some old school grindcore/death metal growling, carcass or napalm death style maybe ;). Only issue playing-wise was the drums to me, and the guitar solo was perfect. :thumbs up:
 
BushmasterM4 said:
:) Need a therapist !!!! :) Just kidding. Just throwing this out there, but the chorus vocals need more passion !!!! Try screaming them for example.
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That was my impression as well. You're singing about a bullet to the head, furphuxache. Sound like it. The lagging drum fills make it difficult to nail it, though.

Okay, that was harsh. I don't mean to be. I don't even know you. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I just listen and comment. I'll post something here in the next month and you can trash it. :D
 
Schwarzenyaeger said:
I loved the lyrics.
The kick was a bit off somehow. Couldn't say what.
The guitars were a tad muffled.

Liked the rest. Paul Gilbert would be proud of your solo.
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Thanks regarding the lyrics. Oddly enough, when I started writing this I meant it to be kind of a sequel to "Free Bird". This is what I wound up with.

When I recorded this months ago I'd thought I'd finally gotten the kick level right where I wanted it. Since then I'm inclined to think it's a bit heavy, and could use some better EQing.

I don't know who Paul Gilbert is, but I picture him having webbed fingers and a severe limp. And for some reason, a mustache and sunglasses.

Bubba Po said:
I liked the song very much indeed. Really catchy. I don't know what advice I can give you, other than to keep going at it until you've worked it all out. It's pretty obvious that you know what you're going for and I love the tongue-in-cheek meathead lyrics. I'm also a fan of really, really shite solos that somehow work. I collect them. Check out "Punk Rock Girl" by The Dead Milkmen, also "What Do I Get" and "Boredom" by the Buzzcocks.
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Thanks for the kind words and for the "keep going at it until..." sentence. More than anything I was just wondering if the song itself was worth salvaging with some tweaks or if it should be shitcanned altogether, and that was pretty much what I needed to hear. I agree with what Phil said about the chorus being somewhat soporific... if I change the tune/lyrics/speed of that part it would make for a better song. I might have to make the solo even more pedestrian, now that I hear you have a collection. I am quite familiar with the Dead Milkmen... any band from Eagles (football) country is high on my list! The Buzzcocks are one of those bands that I have heard about all my life that I never listened to, for some reason. I'll have to check them out.

Anders said:
Only issue playing-wise was the drums to me, and the guitar solo was perfect.
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Thanks, buddy. I'm a fuckin' guitar god! You know, I broke my first string the other day. It probably took me over 20 minutes to replace it, and I still did it wrong. I didn't wind it around the peg a bunch of times like I realized I should have after the fact. I suppose my point is that the guitar god is doing just fine! :)

dobro said:
That was my impression as well. You're singing about a bullet to the head, furphuxache. Sound like it. The lagging drum fills make it difficult to nail it, though.

Okay, that was harsh. I don't mean to be. I don't even know you. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I just listen and comment. I'll post something here in the next month and you can trash it.
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When I get to redo this I'm going to make sure I have ample time on the drums to play it decently, and I'm going to try that Greg method of using a click track underneath earmuffs to keep time. I should be out of excuses after that.
And your comment wasn't harsh. Harsh would have been telling me to add a verse that suggests blowing my own head off for writing such a stupid song. In fact, actually writing a verse to that effect in your response would have been extremely harsh.
Please do post something, I'm curious what your stuff sounds like. I don't have it in me to trash anybody... on the internet, anyway. :)

Thanks for your comments, guys. I appreciate them.
 
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