original song

N

NotThatBright

New member
Wrote and recorded this last night. Lyrics are stream-of-consciousness crap that I wrote in 15 minutes, so no deep meanings there... I was focusing on coming up with some riffs and putting them together. Sound and performance is not at the level that most stuff on this site is, but what are you gonna do, I have to pretty much fake my way through everything but the bass. I'm just curious if anyone doesn't think the song is crap. I think it's decent, but I was weaned on this type of stuff. Anyway, feedback is appreciated, positive or negative, and advice welcome.


https://soundcloud.com/user92696274096/blame/s-0x0AN

SOME OF US ARE FRIENDLY
SOME OF US ARE CRUEL
SOME OF US MANIPULATE
WHILE OTHERS PLAY THE FOOL

SOME OF US ARE MARRIED
SOME OF US DIVORCED
SOME OF US ARE RUDDERLESS
AND VEERING WAY OFF COURSE

SOME OF US UNFETTERED
SOME OF US IN CHAINS
SOME OF US UNSHACKLED
BUT HELD PRISONER BY OUR BRAINS

SOME OF US DENIERS
SOME OF US BELIEVE
BUT ALL OF US DESERVE THE FATE
THAT WE'LL ONE DAY RECEIVE

YOU WON'T FIND ME RUMINATING
YOU'LL FIND ME IMPAIRED
BUT IF IT'S WISDOM THAT YOU SEEK
THIS MUCH OF IT I'LL SHARE
THOUGH WE HAVE OUR DIFFERENCES
WE'RE ACTUALLY QUITE THE SAME
WE'RE BOTH PART OF THE PROBLEM
BUT I SAY YOU'RE TO BLAME

-------------

SOME OF US ARE SINNERS
SOME OF US ARE SAINTS
SOME DON'T KNOW JUST WHAT WE ARE
BUT KNOW JUST WHAT WE AIN'T

SOME OF US ARE HOPEFUL
SOME OF US DESPAIR
SOME OF US NAIVE ENOUGH
TO THINK THINGS WILL BE FAIR

SOME OF US ARE PLEASANT
TIL THINGS DON'T GO OUR WAY
SOME OF US WILL LOSE THE GAME
BEFORE WE EVEN PLAY

SOME POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS
JUST LIKE THIS FUCKIN' SONG
TO DEAL WITH THOSE WHO WOULD BETRAY
THE PIMP HAND MUST BE STRONG

YOU WON'T FIND ME WITH A FROWN
BUT LIKELY WITH A SMILE
I MIGHT EVEN TAKE THE TIME
TO BULLSHIT FOR A WHILE
THOUGH WE HAVE OUR DIFFERENCES
WE'RE ACTUALLY QUITE THE SAME
DON'T CARE WHO CAUSED THE PROBLEM
IT'S YOU I'M GONNA BLAME

--------------

GUITAR

----------------

YOU'LL KNOW THAT YOU DONE GOT ME PISSED
WHEN MR. HAND BECOMES MR. FIST
AND SLAMS INTO YOUR FUCKIN' JAW
AND THEN YOU'LL HEAR ME SAY... (NELSON'S HA-HA)
 
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Are you looking for song quality judgements or mixing judgements?

I personally find the kick too loud and big. It really drowns everything else out.
 
You could turn up the guitars some more.
I can't really hear much of a low end on the bass. It seems to be swallowed by an overwhelming kick. The toms are also rather muddy.

I think that the voice is well done but if you're going to turn the guitars up, you might want to turn up the voice a bit as well.
 
If I'm not mistaken, you've told me my kick was too loud in other songs I recorded in the past, too. What sort of sound system are you listening on, if you don't mind me asking? Do you have a subwoofer? I turned down the kick substantially on that last one, I'm surprised it's still overwhelming.

Regarding the bass and guitars, if anything I would have expected you to recommend they be turned down. Could the kick be swallowing not just the bass, but some of the guitars, too?

I'll see what it sounds like if I go up another notch with the guitars. The bass in particular is already up pretty high, I don't think I can go any higher.

Again, I appreciate the feedback.
 
I'm listening on Sennheiser 600 HDs. I've listened to loooooooooooooots of music with them and the kick here is too engulfing for my taste. It's sort a really, really huge sound that seems to resonate too far over the stereo image.

Are you using a drum computer? Maybe just try using a different drum sound in general.
 
Hey, i didn't find the kick to be totally overpowering, powerful yeah, maybe a little boomy but it was a real fine line to me. There's not a lot of finesse in that sort of song, the drum performance is pretty loose anyway so i don't think it didn't fit. I guess it's just taste. The only thing i picked on the drums was the toms were pretty boomy, i noticed that more than the kick, which i doubt i would have even commented on unless i'd read about it being an issue to you. The bass sounded good but the guitars could have come forward a bit, but then i would say the vocal would have to come up a bit to compete, again a pretty fine call to me. Probably better a touch quiet as they are than too loud. I've listened to a few of your mixes, and i've liked the sound of most of them, and your sound in general, this one sounded pretty good to me too. Definitely didn't think your song was crap, and the vocal sounded fine to me too.

Oh yeah if it helps i listened on an older set of monitors known for being pretty flat but a bit light on the bottom end, as well as a set of Technics Tri-Amped 3-ways i use for referencing and know pretty well, which are pretty neutral for hi-fi gear but definitely more bottom heavy than the monitors. No subs. I also listened on a set of moderately expensive but crap headphones my son had left plugged into my mixer, and on those i could sort of hear what Schwarzenyaeger was saying about the kick, but i pretty much hate headphones anyway, so that opinion probably isn't worth much.
 
Anders Erisian said:
Hey, i didn't find the kick to be totally overpowering, powerful yeah, maybe a little boomy but it was a real fine line to me. There's not a lot of finesse in that sort of song, the drum performance is pretty loose anyway so i don't think it didn't fit. I guess it's just taste. The only thing i picked on the drums was the toms were pretty boomy, i noticed that more than the kick, which i doubt i would have even commented on unless i'd read about it being an issue to you. The bass sounded good but the guitars could have come forward a bit, but then i would say the vocal would have to come up a bit to compete, again a pretty fine call to me. Probably better a touch quiet as they are than too loud. I've listened to a few of your mixes, and i've liked the sound of most of them, and your sound in general, this one sounded pretty good to me too. Definitely didn't think your song was crap, and the vocal sounded fine to me too.

Oh yeah if it helps i listened on an older set of monitors known for being pretty flat but a bit light on the bottom end, as well as a set of Technics Tri-Amped 3-ways i use for referencing and know pretty well, which are pretty neutral for hi-fi gear but definitely more bottom heavy than the monitors. No subs. I also listened on a set of moderately expensive but crap headphones my son had left plugged into my mixer, and on those i could sort of hear what Schwarzenyaeger was saying about the kick, but i pretty much hate headphones anyway, so that opinion probably isn't worth much.
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Thanks for taking a listen. I did try a mix with the guitars punched up a notch after he mentioned it, but it was just enough to slightly bother my ears (listening with earbuds), so I shitcanned it.

I wound up doing a mix without the spoken lines that made me sound like a zombie or a smack addict (all "singing" this time), a background vocal every 4 lines, and some occasional "ahhhs" that I tried to keep low enough that most people wouldn't even notice it. I also changed one or two lines which I thought were a little awkward (even for me). If you get a minute, here it is:

https://soundcloud.com/user92696274096/blame3/s-IkFRN

Thanks again for the notes.
 
Just had a listen to the new mix you posted. Don't get me wrong about the guitars, couldn't tell if they were up compared to the last version, i didn't a/b the two. I love guitars and they are a focus instrument, demanding attention, but it's par for the course to have them shoved in your face all the time, i didn't think they were way understated, I was nitpicking over maybe a fraction of a Db or 2 at most. They are plenty loud enough as they are, to me, but it's your song, your choice.

I reckon i sound like a zombie or a smack addict every time i sing, so you are one up on me there. The harmonies worked for me, seemed like a nice touch. The spoken word at the end was a bit hard to make out, it sounded like 'gotta have at least one threat in a song that's about to go ass up' to me- is that even close? I like the whole existential pragmatist's view on the meaning of life that the lyric conveyed too. Pretty much spot on and insightful as i see it. :thumbs up:
 
I had to go back and listen, I was a little blurry on the recall, myself, as this was not a sober recording session. What I said was "You gotta have at least one threat in every song or else it's practically a love song." You gotta admit, that's a pretty awesome quote. :)

I replaced the link in the original post with the last mix I did. That one has the guitars up. Guitars are worth nitpicking over! Isn't the guitar the essence of rock and roll? I guarantee you there's an electric guitar somewhere in the top 5 of "drivers of rock and roll", probably after dope, booze, lawyers, crooked judges, and emergency room doctors. So I guess it's in the top 6.

"Gotta have at least one threat in a song that's about to go ass up," is also an awesome quote. You should use that in one of yours. If you don't, I'm taking it! :)
 
NotThatBright said:
That one has the guitars up. Guitars are worth nitpicking over! Isn't the guitar the essence of rock and roll?
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Yeah, that's pretty much what i was getting at, but if you pulled the drum track out of this it would be pretty strange rock & roll too. But i agree, electric guitar is one of the first things i think of when anyone says rock and roll, the louder the better usually. Not really my quote to claim, but i'll take that as a challenge and try and use the ass up line as soon as possible. :)
 
Anders Erisian said:
Yeah, that's pretty much what i was getting at, but if you pulled the drum track out of this it would be pretty strange rock & roll too. But i agree, electric guitar is one of the first things i think of when anyone says rock and roll, the louder the better usually. Not really my quote to claim, but i'll take that as a challenge and try and use the ass up line as soon as possible. :)
Click to expand...

You better, that line is too good to let go to waste. You may have been inspired by the poor audio quality of my qupte You could come up with a whole song out of that. Maybe a concept album! All depends on what kind of detail you want to go into. :)

Have you ever played in any bands?
 
the missing thought there was "you may have been indirectly led to your quote by the poor audio quality of mine, but you still came up with it."
 
Hey again, sorry to drag your thread OT and turn it into a personal discussion, but i did toy with that idea, tried to put something down, but i got sidetracked and have only managed to draw blanks so far... give it time.
But yeah i have played in a couple of small time bands, mid 90's a group called Evo4, Funk drums, bass, thrash guitar, synth's,samplers & turntables :facepalm: Played at a couple of Bush 'music festivals', that were really just big parties, nothing serious. One other guy in that group and i had a 2 man act that played a few gigs at a retro lounge bar - turntables, bass, synths and samplers, but it was just background music for hipsters. I've got a job at the moment with a show which is an electronic music 'tribute show' - i was supposed to be running the PA and DMX lighting, but on occasion i had to stand on stage in a robot suit and press some buttons, so i don't think that counts, and that show seems to be in the final stages of going 'ass up' itself. Funny though, coz i seem to have been weaned on much the same music you were, as you put it - the vagaries of life :laughings:
 
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