Is it just the song that has no sparkle or something in the mix?

Song is quite monotonous....mainly because the drums never change and the minimal instrumentation.
Vocals are pitchy at the beginning.
The Obama part is too loud compared to the rest.
The ending actually has peaked my interest as it had a variety of parts going on.
It dragged on and on....too long.....
It has potential but needs to be rearranged and rerecorded.
 
Sorry try to ignore the BFD drum loop I am shit at drum arrangement so I just leave the beat but perhaps that's what I'm noticing as the big problem. Thanks for the criticism.

Any tips on making the obama clip more understandable without turning it up? Unfortunately I can't call him up to re record as he has prior engagements:-)
 
I'd do the following...

Turn up your backing vocals a touch in places in the early section - some spots I can barely hear them. You've got a pitchy thing going on here and there early on too.

Introduce another melodic element... a guitar playing a simple line here and there, maybe in between verses, as you go to chorus etc. would add some sparkle

Re the Obama bit... compress it heavily, remove some bottom end and then turn it down a bit... at the end it takes your head off a bit..

And learn to drum better with your midi drums... it's not hard to do a few little fills and off-beat taps on the snare etc. to spice it up a bit - it's VERY 1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4 etc. at the moment... gets a bit dull after a while.

Good bones though... nice..
 
guitars are missing something in the highs.

vocals are pitchy and a little too up front and dry for me.

bass and drums are boring...I think because the drums don't change and the bass just follows the guitars.

I think this could go somewhere, but the lack of dynamic difference between the chorus and verse makes me bored.
 
I'll echo what everyone else has said about the drums.
The vocals seem to get pitchy on the high notes. I disagree with Armistice about the volume levels of the backing vs. primary vox. The background vox do a pretty good job of accenting the important parts of the lines.

Yep, Obama is too loud. Compression and EQ should help that. Drop the low frequencies that are making him "loud" and boost the mid frequencies to make him "clearer"

The song does a pretty good job of building throughout, but it still kind of drags and plods to get there.

A high melodic voice (such as a lead guitar) would help towards the end I think. It would fill up some space which is pretty empty in the mix right now and it would add dynamics and variety.
 
I can see what they're all saying about the drums but I'm in the same boat i have problems with drums, I find although that the guitar riff is very repetitive, and that backing down and adding more dynamics to the mix would help a lot, The whole mix seemed very loud right off the bat, (i forgot my headphones were on so high) but I do think that you need to add more spice to it (sparkle) just by changing the instrumentation around, and the delay on the obama bit seemed a little too pronounced for me, I'd maybe go more subtle, Over all it sounds rather compressed to me. but i love dynamics
 
Obama part too loud - check
Vocals pitchy at parts _ check
Bit monotonous - check

but

I really like old style vocal samples stuck in rock tracks...they always sound really good to me
There's parts where the vocals are really good..and generally theyre OK through the whole track...you dont sound like youre backing off which is a problem for many, just more takes and tighten them up
As the song currently stands it feels a minute too long..over 5 mins at 80bpm needs to give more interest

So you say youre not great with BFD...but are some simple things you could add to build tension/interest....during the build ups maybe introduce a simple ride beat, then in the chorus section add a tambourine or something...for each change up announce it with a crash cymbal...pretty basic stuff


or make it even more interesting...split the snare out onto different tracks, give one a low pass, one a high pass, one a ping pong delay, maybe layer another sound on the fourth hit or reverse it...something along these lines...this would make it stand out rather than appearing monotonous


Sorry Im no expert but when I hear people who can sing and play guitar better than me...go through all the trouble of composing and recording...build up the courage to put it online and let complete strangers hear it...I think why the fuck not spend more time on the drums?? :D
 
VomitHatSteve said:
I disagree with Armistice about the volume levels of the backing vs. primary vox..
Click to expand...

What! How dare you.... :laughings:

I'm talking about really early in the song, I'm hearing a backing vocal that's almost not there at all... agree that where you can hear them they're good...
 
Armistice said:
What! How dare you.... :laughings:

I'm talking about really early in the song, I'm hearing a backing vocal that's almost not there at all... agree that where you can hear them they're good...
Click to expand...

Yeah, when you can only really hear them at the end of one or two lines? I thought it was a good effect. Kind of like the guy who shouts the last word of each line in rap songs (e.g. the verses in The Beastie Boys' Intergalactic)
 
Good song, basically strong structure etc but I also agree with all the above.
Throw in some arpeggios or something here & there to break up the feel - if you REALLY want it to drone you need to build the texture of said drone.
 
Good song, basically strong structure etc but I also agree with all the above.
Throw in some arpeggios or something here & there to break up the feel - if you REALLY want it to drone you need to build the texture of said drone.
 
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