Cross-Wired (Acoustic Demo)

propman

propman

Active member
This is a song I've been writing over the last few days. I'm more or less going to let it speak for itself and invite comments.

Song: [MP3]https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/65316259/Cross-Wired%20(Demo%202-1).mp3[/MP3]

Lyrics:
I built a movie -- in my brain --
of women, in a secular vein
that I'm a'posed to find engaging

but judgin' by the breadth of my shorts
my body didn't read the reports
before it started comin'-of-age-ing

"I don't know," I articulated
"It just doesn't interest me" (x2)

Will I ever fit in
Will I fit in with everyone else
Who wants to fit in
Who wants to fit in with everyone else (everybody else)

A vigilant inquisitiveness
timidity persuades to dismiss
as unpardonably salacious

Examining a Japanime
allured in a mysterious way
that doesn't seem to be contagious

"I don't know," I articulated
"It just seems to interest me" (x2)

Will I ever fit
Fit in with everyone else
Who wants to fit
who wants to fit in with everyone else (everybody else)

Who ever said that everything would turn out the way that you wanted it to (x2)

My wires are crossed
I'm cross-wired
My wires are crossed
Can you hear me

My wires are crossed
I'm cross-wires
My wires are crossed
 
Looking at the lyrics before listening, I couldn't see how you were going to hammer them into a cohesive melody. You have though and it sounds really good - i'm impressed.

I could hear a simple pump organ or melodica type line under the "I don't know..." part maybe?

In terms of nits, I think the guitar picking's a bit messy/busy under the "who ever said that..." part and I'm not sure that the spoken word part quite fits. That one may just be personal preference though.

It's a good piece. You say it's a demo - so is the plan for a bigger arrangement or just to get this pared down one re-done?
 
robgreen said:
Looking at the lyrics before listening, I couldn't see how you were going to hammer them into a cohesive melody. You have though and it sounds really good - i'm impressed.

I could hear a simple pump organ or melodica type line under the "I don't know..." part maybe?

In terms of nits, I think the guitar picking's a bit messy/busy under the "who ever said that..." part and I'm not sure that the spoken word part quite fits. That one may just be personal preference though.

It's a good piece. You say it's a demo - so is the plan for a bigger arrangement or just to get this pared down one re-done?
Click to expand...

Thank you, Rob! I agree with the sloppiness and will address that but I'm not sure what "spoken word" part you're referring to. I'm not really sure what my plan is as far as the arrangement. I like it sparse but I'm just not sure it sounds ... alright with just a guitar. I'm not sure how to keep in minimal but have it pack a punch. What do you hear?
 
It was the "everybody else" line in parentheses. Listening again now, I've revised my opinion a bit - I think it's that there's one too many syllables to pack in - replacing it with something like "anyone else" would just flow better and make it work.

In terms of maintaining interest, I think that what you've got down already does that. It's an arrangement that works as is for me and so I'd be tempted to keep it sparse. Of course, if it were actually me, I'd keep piling shit on until it was unrecognisable, but if it were me directing you I'd advocate restraint. It's good!

Oh and the cadence of "examining a japanime" is really pleasing to the ear :)
 
robgreen said:
It was the "everybody else" line in parentheses. Listening again now, I've revised my opinion a bit - I think it's that there's one too many syllables to pack in - replacing it with something like "anyone else" would just flow better and make it work.

In terms of maintaining interest, I think that what you've got down already does that. It's an arrangement that works as is for me and so I'd be tempted to keep it sparse. Of course, if it were actually me, I'd keep piling shit on until it was unrecognisable, but if it were me directing you I'd advocate restraint. It's good!

Oh and the cadence of "examining a japanime" is really pleasing to the ear :)
Click to expand...

Thanks! I was fond of that line too. So much so that I dropped it and revisited it about three different times. I kept thinking I should nix it because I was having trouble fleshing out the verse but I simply couldn't do it.

I'll try to keep it sparse but it'll be hard. I'm in the pile-shit-on club too. I'm dubious of changing "everybody else," though.
Hey, are the vocals OK or do you think I should re-track them?
 
I will try to find time to throw out some cajon before my fishing trip next week. If not, the week after.

Looking forward to it man! :)
 
jimmys69 said:
I will try to find time to throw out some cajon before my fishing trip next week. If not, the week after.

Looking forward to it man! :)
Click to expand...

Thanks! I'm excited to hear it!

Atkron205 said:
I thought it was quite good. How did you record the guitar? :listeningmusic:
Click to expand...
Thanks! I pointed the mic (an Audio-Technica AT2020) at the twelfth fret coming in from the left and turned the body away at abut a twenty-seven degree angle to deduce the proximity effect. It's triple tracked.
 
Cool stuff Adam,
Anime or hentai?
Nice essay into difference and the hormonal halo of helpless haze pondering being in with the in crowd, in with the out crowd, normal, NORmal, nORmal, NORMal, diffferent, deviant, alternate or just solo.
I enjoyed it. Were I you I'd keep this spare, (sparce), version and whilst experimenting with more complex/dense arrangements keep going back to this as it contains the song and exists very well on it's own and without company - agreeable, essenential or graphic novel though that additional stuff may be.
By the way I read it from top to bottom, right to left.
 
rayc said:
Cool stuff Adam,
Anime or hentai?
Nice essay into difference and the hormonal halo of helpless haze pondering being in with the in crowd, in with the out crowd, normal, NORmal, nORmal, NORMal, diffferent, deviant, alternate or just solo.
I enjoyed it. Were I you I'd keep this spare, (sparce), version and whilst experimenting with more complex/dense arrangements keep going back to this as it contains the song and exists very well on it's own and without company - agreeable, essenential or graphic novel though that additional stuff may be.
By the way I read it from top to bottom, right to left.
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot, Ray. I'm gonna keep it sparse. (And -- in the contest of the song, anime.)
 
Really nice mix. The stereo spread on the guitar and the placement of the vocal is really nice. I found myself listening to the lyrics more than I usually do, and apart from the occasional uncomfortable mouthful they are very good.

The whole time I'm kind of wanting an ensemble to kick in, but the song doesn't really want that. In the old days of albums this would be a fantastic teaser for a full on release song.
 
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