Here we go again

your delivery is not good. stop rappin like that and bring it in a diff. direction you seem like your focusing on the words that ryhme the most it's like ever 3rd word ryhmes together u don't have to do that. think of it more as a poem than ryhme time use your energy delivering the poem not on the words that ryhme with each other, the trick is to make sense and have it all flow smoothly
 
I don't get it...it seems fine to me. I know it's like a poem, I'm not just rhyming words. Every line I wrote has a meaning to me...and I can't really say that rhyming a lot is bad. I dunno, I guess I just have no flow :( Damn.

I just don't seem to hear it the same way you guys do...it sounds like the same flow that anyone else would use...

Hell, even in the original song (Two Words by Mos Def/Kanye) they rhymed just like I did. So...what exactly am I doing wrong? I'm not trying to make it sound like that song (especially since I heard it after I wrote), but I really am confused as to how I'm doing this wrong...

It would be more helpful if I got other opinions :/

Don't be shy to say I suck, as long as you have some advice or something I don't really care.
 
Like what he already said, the delivery is very important. It is what separates songs that sound professionally made from songs that were obviously made by random white guys. Listen to more rappers and the way that they emphasize words in each line. And listen to the beat before you finalize the verse because it could sound good to you in the air but over the beat it might not fit the same.

2 words is one of my favorite beats ever though
 
Hey P'Ill. Man you need to listen to the guys on this site who have been doing this a while. You obviously put a lot of effort into this - which is great to hear - and the new mic sounds a lot better but your flow drags the track, you sound like you're reading someone else's words, you know?

You obviously have a good sense of rhythm and you can understand where the accent should go but you don't need to bounce lyrics with the beat when that doesn't fit the words or it won't sound natural. You can get there though man, just keep practicing your flow and check out how some of your fave artists lay their rhymes over the beat.

Peace
 
Wow finally.

I understand what you mean. When everyone else gave me feedback, I thought they meant that my rhythm/timing was bad. Alright, I'll just keep practicing. Thanks y'all.

But could someone give an example, or like, one line, where I screwed up? It would help a lot.
 
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i dont think that the delivery is "screwed up" the way your takin folks' comments. it sounds on time. the flow itself just isnt a "moving" one. to me ti sounds like ur reading the lryics from the page - personally i do it a lot, but im so comfortable with my flow that im really just usin the page as a guide - im still doin the delivery . . . from an internalized, long-term memory bank.

do u know the verse from heart w/o looking at any written sheet? that usually helps (at least me)
really its just the delivery. u gotta keep tryin to spit the verse in different ways till u find a flow that works. i've reinvented my flow on many occasions. try spittin it with different "personalities" in mind.
 
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